On dreams

Lately I've been contemplating my future lately, and I can sincerely say that up until now I had never been in a position where I wasn't sure what I wanted to be, or where I wanted to go.

I remember sitting in my second grade classroom playing some ridiculous computer game, and it was listing all the kinds of sciences there were. It said 'zoology, the study of animals'. And my second grade self declared that I would be a zoologist. 

Maybe if I didn't suck at math, and could handle sick/dead animals I could have followed that career path... but naturally I didn't, despite my intense love of animals.

It's okay though because my third grade self tried to write a novel in a Harry Potter Hedwig notebook about a girl detective named Crystal, and my third grade self decided I would be an author.

My idea as a career path did not change until last May. And it's not even a major career change.

I'm still majoring in English, and I fully intend on writing at least one novel in my lifetime, or a collected work of poetry and short stories and fragments of nonsensical prose/poetry hybrids (my favorite). That will never change. 

Writing is my passion, my art, my craft, whatever you want to call it. Before anything else, I am a writer first and foremost. Sometimes my pen is my own worst enemy, and sometimes I believe a metaphysical force lies within ink and paper, but none of that matters. I am compelled to create images, scenarios, solutions, perhaps even problems, with a pen. I am a writer. Combinations of letters run through my veins and for as long as I will live, I will build with them. I am an architecture of letters and paper is simply my blueprint. 

With that being said, just as many "creatives" find, our dreams and career paths are often deemed "unobtainable", "silly", "that'll never happen", "why don't you get a real degree", "how are you going to make money", etc etc. All my film makers, writers of all sorts, artists, photographers, interior designers, chefs/bakers/cake designers, musicians, entrepreneurs, fashion designers (shout out to Kelly!), and anybody else I might have forgotten, you know who you are. And I'm sure you can recall numerous times where people have shunned or shot down your dreams, am I right? That's not to say that we don't have people who support us - of course we do! Despite that, we still have plenty of others who think we're chasing phantoms and throwing away our futures...

I have a journal from 2008, my eighth grade year. I wrote down "somebody said I'd be a good journalist, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing". And to this day, I still don't know how to feel about that. I have very mixed feelings about the media world. I know people in media, and haven't heard very good things from some of them, and then I heard amazing things from some other ones. I've seen up close and personal how fear can take over you if you do work in the media, because fear controls our American media, and that's a fact. At this point, it's hard to say that our press is unbiased, because that is bullshit, and we all know it. But that isn't going to stop me from trying to pursue music journalism, not for one second.

The point that I've been trying to make with this post is:

The non-believers can all fuck off

I mean that so sincerely. 

Oh you think me pursuing my dream is a bad career choice? 
Well you sir can fuck off. I am 18, and I may not have my life figured out, but hey at least I have heart and the balls to go out and at least strive for my dreams instead of fitting into some cookie cutter business/insurance/finance/corporate 9-5 drone of a life. (No offense to people who actually want to pursue that, if you do, good for you, go for your dreams!)

I'm throwing away my future/I'm immature and irrational?
Nice try, but actually, no I'm not. I've been through a lot in my life, and I watched my parents throw their dreams away when they joined the military. Not to mention, I'm pursuing a degree in English which leaves a lot of options open for me. My backup is becoming a high school English teacher, because the world will always need teachers.

No matter what you do, never succumb to something that you don't want to do. We're young, and you'll never know if you don't try. Will I become a successful music journalist and author? Hell fucking no. But I don't care. It's worth a shot. Don't let people get you down. Dreams are what you make of them.