Second thoughts

It's like when you're about to go swimming and you dip your feet in and it's too cold.

Do you risk freezing for a few hours to hang out with your friends, or do you just sit on the side of the pool, nice and comfortable, but not exactly part of the crew?

It's a tough call. 

What I'm metaphorically trying to get across is that I'm having second thoughts about participating in this year's NaNoWriMo "competition". 

I know, I must sound really dumb because I just posted about how I was so adamant about doing it this year. Maybe I'm just making excuses. Perhaps I just don't want to fail ~again~. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just have this suspicion that it's going to cause me a great deal of stress and then make me feel really shitty because I didn't complete it. 

I just don't know what to do.

I've come up with some pretty solid backgrounds and stuff. It's not a matter of that. I just think that that I'll fall apart in the real world because of a fictional one. 

I also suck at committing to everything, minus my relationship, my cats, and my love affair with blue pen ink and Moleskine Volant journals. Seriously.

I don't know. I'm rambling on. Maybe I need a pro/con list or something.

:(

I'm a really poor excuse for a writer, that's for sure.